I hate writing this. As I feel like I could write this at least several times a year. And it’s not that I hate starting something new…it’s that I hate that I’m going after seemingly the same “goals” again. I put that in quotes because sometimes I wonder if the things I claim I want in my life aren’t really what I truly want. Maybe that’s why I start and stop and start and stop and start and stop…

The early posts on this blog show several attempts at my starts: getting started running again, eating better, being more active, more social, writing. I’m the writer that never writes so how can I call myself a writer. And how can I claim to want to be a writer if I never write?! (Substitute writer for runner or several other things…)

So here it is November 2021. I have created (yet another) game plan. A plan to find less stress, more movement, simplicity, joy…and perhaps a bit of weight loss. I hope I stick with it. I’m usually good the first of the month, on Mondays, the beginning of the year. The challenge will truly be in a few days.

As for today, I didn’t get up with my alarm. I don’t remember feeling it (I use a Fitbit for vibration alarms so as not to disturb my sleeping hubby). I naturally woke 45 minutes after I wanted to get up and started on my day. Seeing as how I was already quite a bit behind my “schedule” (the plan I had for myself that isn’t a rigid schedule but a guide I’d like to adhere to…), I thought of just rolling over and allowing myself to sleep until I felt like getting up.

You see, I’m on an unofficial sabbatical to try to recover from teaching burnout and figure out if I want to continue in education or move on to something else. My darling husband has given me this gift of time to rest. Trouble is, I don’t know how to rest. I am really good at doing nothing – don’t get me wrong! But that isn’t always helpful in recovering. So that’s why I have a lot of time right now and I keep trying to fill it with things. This November I made a plan to rest though. Yup, I need a plan for that!

So I thought maybe it would be a good thing to just allow my body more sleep if it wanted it (I did turn the light out later than I usually do after all.) But then some asshole was screeching tires out on Portola and I took that sound as a sign to get my butt up. So I did. I didn’t get through everything listed on my morning routine – but I’m allowing myself to be okay with that. I didn’t go to yoga…because I fell back asleep on the couch for another 2.5 hours! Again, I’m okay with that. My body needed some more rest clearly. Hopefully I’ll make it down the hill to class tomorrow.

I hope I never write another starting again post again. I hope I stick with things this time so I continue to grow from here and not revisit here. Only time will tell I suppose…