I’ve caught myself doing it again! But I’m only 3 days into February and hopefully caught it early enough. I’m exhausted. I’m not eating well. I’m giving in to cravings and what’s “easy”. I’m not getting enough good sleep. I’m not being productive with my time…I could go on. Basically, I’m not doing anything different. I claim to want changes in my life but how is life going to become different if I’m not different?! It’s not…
Hearing Brene Brown bring up a fear conversation on a podcast the other day struck a chord with me (I’m also now realizing how many cliches & idioms I use!) Fear has run the show for my 40 years and I’m sick of it. I aspire to be the old lady who acts and speaks without giving a shit (I envy those women…) but then got to thinking, why do I have to wait until I’m an old woman for that to happen? Maybe it could happen sooner… The concept of fear running my life brought me back to another gal pal of mine – Gabrielle Bernstein. I found her when a heartache broke me open and the emotion just gushed out; I needed some serious help with that one! I remember her “May Cause Miracles” book was helpful – and was all about how to transform life away from fear. I felt like it was time to revisit her 6 week program. Of course, life got in the way and I didn’t read enough to prep myself on Sunday so I wasn’t in the frame of mind I want to be starting out on Monday.
Instead of harping on my own failure, I turned to her “Spirit Junkie” audiobook for my commute time and it was good to spend time with my friend again. I need to revisit my feelings again and I need to start choosing differently in my life. I feel like I’m beginning to move towards something that I don’t quite know what it is and I’m moving super slow, which is frustrating. I am a very patient person but in some ways, I have no patience at all, such as wanting to see changes in my life. Maybe throwing together a life improvement plan in a day or so isn’t going to work for me – maybe that’s why I continually fail. Perhaps instead, this will be a year of prepping move towards those desired changes. One thing I know for sure, I’m tired being tired. I *have* to change something…