Ever sign up for something that sounds fun and interesting, then you look forward to it with excited anticipation, and when the big day finally arrives…you don’t want to go?  This happens to me ALL. THE. TIME.  In thinking about it to try to figure me out, I thought maybe it jut meant that I was more of a enjoy the process person and the actual culminating activity doesn’t really matter.  But my marathon experiences tell me I know that doesn’t describe me at all. I struggled through all my marathon training experiences; I never enjoyed the process building up to the races! I was all about the actual day, and then the races themselves were never great because of improper training.

It’s frustrating to continually have this loss of desire happen so often.  I’ve looked back over years of calendars and see how many things I bailed on last minute because of this.  To clarify, I never bailed on friends I said I would do things with…actually, now that I think of it, this mostly happens to things I sign up to do solo.  That’s gotta mean something…

Here’s today’s instance:
So last week, I was home sick on Tuesday and Wednesday.  Scared that what I was experiencing were early menopause signs, I started reading Is It Me or My Hormones? by Marcelle Pick and it intrigued my inner health enthusiast.  I ordered supplements and began prepping to do the 28-day plan this February.  I also noted the importance of reducing stress.  For a variety of reasons, my job (5th grade teacher) has been really trying on me this year.  With my 41st birthday looming in the week ahead (yesterday), I had decided that I would take the Friday after (today) off from school and scheduled things to allow me to spend a day relaxing.  I signed up for a morning yoga class, an early afternoon massage, followed by a very much needed haircut later in the day.  My birthday was nice; BBE took great care of me, as he always does.  I woke up at 5:10am this morning and felt wide awake so I figured I’d get up.  I was feeling a bit anxious about the yoga class, like I didn’t want to go.  And yes, all week since signing up, I was looking forward to today.  it sounded like a wonderful day that I had planned for myself.  This morning, I wanted to go nowhere and do nothing today.  WHY?!?!?  It’s so frustrating…  I need to figure this out because I think that if I can, I would find a bit more joy in my life.  At the very least, I’d stop getting mad and disappointed with myself.  I keep thinking that I want a more active, involved life and yet, I also feel like enjoying the comforts of my home and alone time there.  Another project to add to my growing list…